Profile: The Godfather Cat

LOS ANGELES – When The Godfather was released in 1972, a certain cat experienced a meteoric rise from the runt of the litter to a mega star within a cat nap’s time.

“Meow,” the cat said in an interview shortly after the film’s release. “Meow meow.”

Before filming, the cat was an untrained actor, unfamiliar with life on set. She spent most of her time eating, sleeping, eating some more, and then soiling the litter box to round out the day’s activities.

“Meow.”

Everything changed indeed. Handpicked by Marlon Brando to be featured in the iconic first sequence of the film, she was unknowingly thrust into the spotlight.

“Reouww.”

“She handled it very well, I thought,” said the cat’s chief caretaker. “A lot of cat’s would have gotten their fur all matted.”

One particularly striking aspect of the scene with Mr. Brando was his divided attention. Brando never looked at the cat he was holding and petting. He kept his focus on the other actors.

“At first she was confused,” said the on-set cat servant, “She was being handled, pet, and cuddled, but not with undivided attention. That’s strange for a cat.”

But the experience taught her a valuable lesson in performance. And after the release of the film, she was deemed the Godmother of Film Acting Cats. She held lessons in purring while sleeping, answered queries about how to feel when a human’s attention is divided, acting lessons, and of course, the million and one ways to wake a human from the most sound and comfortable sleep.

“She never did another movie of that caliber,” said the head litter box cleaner. “But she had a lot to offer cats of other generations, and helped open doors for their film careers.”

She also had a lot of kittens.

And thirty-five generations later, an offspring of the Godmother has just landed a starring role in the upcoming film Mars Again.

When asked for comment, the up and coming star simply stated, “Meorrw.” Just like his grandmother of many generations ago.

Fan Sues Over Remake

LOS ANGELES – When Disney announced their reboot of Lady and the Tramp, they had little idea a devout fan would sue the company for emotional distress.

“The classic animated tale was released in 1955. We felt there was an opportunity, with all the advances in technology, to revisit the story.”

Dierdre Ramsay of Louisville, Kentucky, however, had a different opinion.

“I saw the announcement in Variety, and I thought, no way. There has to be something I can do about this.”

Ms. Ramsay hired a lawyer and the two of them went to work. They filed suit against the company, citing emotional distress and trauma.

Ms. Ramsay’s attorney issued the following statement: “My client has the right to protest what these big money makers do and do not do to her childhood memories.”

The NO reached out to Disney for comment. They are still on hold.

by Dan Plighter

Filmmaker Rewrites Finished Film with Subtitles

LOS ANGELES – Award winning filmmaker Oscar G. Lobe recently won a court battle against distributors to subtitle his own movie with dialogue different than what’s spoken in the film.

“I wrote the film, and then I finished the film… and then I wanted to rewrite the film. So I did,” said Lobe in a court statement.

The film will retain the spoken dialogue in Liki, a rare language of inhabitants of islands in the Papua region off the Indonesian coast. But the subtitles will tell a different story.

“I know some people were confused,” Lobe’s publicist stated. “But he’s an artist. And he’s entitled to see his vision through. Even if it doesn’t make sense.”

The film, Fearbuds, tells the story of two friends who encounter a band of travelers intent on making the already inhabited island their own.

“It isn’t their island and they try to make it that way. It’s about cultural appropriation, imperialism, friendship, and sand. The version I filmed was a drama. The subtitles make it a comedy,” Lobe said.

After the hearing, Lobe was visibly elated with the ruling. “It’s a triumph. The pictures work with the change in storyline. It adds a good deal of irony.”

Fearbuds will premiere in selected theaters Feb 15.

by Dan Plighter