ALPHA CENTAURI – The globe is reeling this morning after nearby extra-terrestrials reached out to make contact with our planet. Their first message was brief and succinct.
“Shut up for one second please.” The message read, received as a binary radio communication that was quickly translated by scientists.
The message continued: “Seriously though, I can’t think with you constantly broadcasting episodes of the Big Bang Theory to every corner of the known universe.”
“Put on some headphones, you monsters. This is a public galaxy.” The message concluded.
“We have no idea what to make of it,” said Dr. Lewis Burke, a scientist with SETI (the Search for Extra-Terrestrial Intelligence). “It’s completely unique. It displays a knowledge of the syntax and sentence structure of our language, and even a passing understanding with colloquialisms. It’s absolutely fascinating.”
Scientists quickly traced the communication and found it was coming from Proxima Centauri b, a large Earth-like planet orbiting in the star’s habitable zone. A response message was broadcast back to the planet, which read:
“Hello, from the children of planet Earth! We are a peaceful bipedal race of creatures, and we wish to know more about you and your kind!”
After a brief silence, there was a response from the planet.
“Oh my god, what did I just say? Come on, man, we’ve got our own programs we’re trying to watch over here. Keep it down for a few million years, for chrissakes.”
As scientists began composing a reply to the planet, another message came in.
“If you say one more thing, one more thing that isn’t the final season of Game of Thrones, I swear I’m gonna come over there.”