Yoga Class Thrown Into Chaos By Endless Loop of Californication by the Red Hot Chili Peppers

PORTLAND – A Portland hot yoga class devolved into bedlam after the instructor’s phone got stuck playing Californication by the Red Hot Chili Peppers on repeat over the studio’s speakers.

“It was horrible,” said Natasha Lewis, 26, a regular at “Can’t Bikram? Join ‘Em!” a hot yoga studio in downtown Portland. “It completely threw off my prana.” (Nebulous Observer experts assure us that “prana” is a Hindu word for “life force.”)

Eyewitnesses report that just after the class began at 6:30, instructor Emma Walsh began playing the smooth and upbeat song by the Chili Peppers. After its first play-through, yoga practitioners were startled as the final gravelly notes of lead singer Anthony Kiedis were replaced by the familiar opening electric guitar picking of the same song.

“It felt like a joke at first,” said Paul Reisman, 45, a regular at the studio. “Or like a weird metaphor for focusing on repeating breath and movement. It turned out it was so much worse than that.”

After the second playthrough, yogis all around the room began looking at one another with concerned, sweaty, and pained faces. The instructor didn’t seem phased by second repetition of the song, and continued to instruct the class as though nothing was wrong.

“She just ignored it. ‘Warrior one, open to warrior two, now to reverse triangle.’ She just kept going.” said Reisman. 

“Somewhere near the sixth playthrough I experienced a blissful state of acceptance,” said Anjolie Watson. “It was my third eye center coming into alignment with this arduous, difficult process.” 

“Yes!” said Walsh, the instructor. “I mean yes! Yes, that was my plan all along, of course.”

The studio’s new “Red Hot Chili Peppers-Only class” will be held Wednesdays at 4:15 p.m.

Author: Pembry Cornish

Pembry Cornish graduated summa cum laude from the University of Rhode Island, where he double majored in political science and journalism. After a brief stint at Rhode Island Public Radio, Cornish joined the Peace Corps, traveling to Botswana, Namibia, and Zimbabwe. After three years of service, Cornish returned home to the United States, and began working as the creative director for Minnesota Public Radio. In 2018, Cornish left MPR to pursue his dream of writing and publishing the news as he sees it, partnering with his long-time friend Dan Plighter on The Nebulous Observer.

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