Local Man Boldly Quotes Jimmy Buffett on His Dating Profile

SEATTLE – Shock and disappointment rippled across the greater Seattle area this week at the discovery that a local man, Eddie Turner, 33, had changed his Tinder profile to include Jimmy Buffett lyrics.

“I was swiping at a coffeeshop,” said Taisha Lawrence, 29, “when I saw this guy come up. He was cute, kind of rugged, seemed like your typical Pacific Northwest hipster. Then I went to find out more info and…” Lawrence trailed off, staring into the middle distance with a mixture of horror and pity on her face.

“We all know Tinder isn’t perfect,” said another regular on the app, Maggie Reynolds, 32, “but this is a bridge too far. It’s an app to find people that you bond with, or want to have sex with, not for this kind of offensive garbage.”

The Nebulous Observer reached out to Tinder and its parent company Match Group, and they responded with a written statement:

It is the desire of Tinder and Match Group to bring people together using our algorithms and years of experience in the relationship industry, and that desire has normally led to a hands off approach with regards to what information can be published on a user’s profile. However, owing to the gravity of this situation, Tinder has reached out to Mr. Turner and his representatives for further clarification, and will decide how to proceed in the coming days.

As of publishing time, the Jimmy Buffett lyrics in question seemed to have been removed from Mr. Turner’s profile, but an investigation into the matter provided a lone snapshot of the four-line quote:

Pour me something tall and strong
Make it a hurricane before I go insane
It’s only half past twelve but I don’t care
It’s five o’clock somewhere

Mr. Turner and his representatives declined a request for comment.

by Pembry Cornish

Author: Pembry Cornish

Pembry Cornish graduated summa cum laude from the University of Rhode Island, where he double majored in political science and journalism. After a brief stint at Rhode Island Public Radio, Cornish joined the Peace Corps, traveling to Botswana, Namibia, and Zimbabwe. After three years of service, Cornish returned home to the United States, and began working as the creative director for Minnesota Public Radio. In 2018, Cornish left MPR to pursue his dream of writing and publishing the news as he sees it, partnering with his long-time friend Dan Plighter on The Nebulous Observer.

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