WASHINGTON – Following another failed attempt at reaching any kind of agreement to end the government shutdown, two White House staff members (who wish to remain anonymous) consulted a New York casting agency (who also wishes to remain anonymous) in search of an actor who can act like a president.

“He stormed out of the room and then tweeted. People’s lives are at stake and he’s on his cell phone.”

The White House staff members then huddled in a corner and brainstormed.

“The idea came from a trip to the theater over the holidays. When we talked about the quality of the performances, we went down this rabbit hole of what it means to do a good job. We decided to do something drastic.”

The staff members are in discussions with congress to facilitate a casting session in the next week. There will be a script provided, but the right actor will need to be able to improvise, and deal with CNN.

“Our next option is to hire a preschool teacher to come and talk with the president and congress to explore what it means to listen.”

by Dan Plighter